Only A Bag Of Poo Denies His Girlfriend

Not even a flaming bag of poo would deny
a long relationship with his girlfriend

It is with great regret that we pull the blanket over the flaming dead corpse of the Herman Cain presidential campaign, slain not by his delightfully wacky ideas or his history of sexually abusing women, but because of his denial of a simple, loving, long-term love affair.
Everybody loved Cain's spouting off on foreign policy, his promise to read up to one page of information a day, and the clever way he planned to deal with crises: ask someone who knows what the hell they're talking about, and do whatever they say. Some people were disturbed by reports that he liked to shove his hand up a lady's skirt without asking permission first, but many leaders of his political party defended him as just doing what men do. (This is really helpful information, because it puts people on notice: don't be alone in a room with Sean Hannity!)
But now Herman is denying his girlfriend. Not even a total flaming sack of poo denies his girlfriend!

Huckabee Earns Flaming Bag Of Poo Award For Urging Felony Attacks On Voters!

A Flaming Bag of Poo
and a Cartoon Drawing

Congratulations to Fox News Commentator and failed Republican Presidential nominaee Michael Huckabee for urging people to attack the cars of their political opponents!
This remarkably straightforward admission that he cannot win without using violence to pervert the political process earns him the Flaming Bag Of Poo Award for Mid-October 2011.
Only a real bag of sh1t would tell people to damage cars of their political opponents, but Michael is not just any bag of poo - he pretends to be a follower of Jesus Christ. For the record, Jesus never let the air out of anyone's tires (although he did whip the moneychangers that Michael Huckabee now serves).
Slasher Michael's exact words:

“...you just make sure that they don’t go vote.  Let the air out of their tires on election day.  ....  That’s up to you how you creatively get the job done.”

King Peter Will Save Us From Democracy!

Conferring With A Flaming Bag of Poo

Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.) denounced Occupy Wall Street protesters as a "ragtag mob" and "anarchists" during a Friday radio show.
"The fact is these people are anarchists. They have no idea what they're doing out there," King said. "They have no sense of purpose other than a basically anti-American tone and anti-capitalist. It's a ragtag mob basically." 
“We have to be careful not to allow this to get any legitimacy,” he added “I’m taking this seriously in that I’m old enough to remember what happened in the 1960s when the left-wing took to the streets and somehow the media glorified them and it ended up shaping policy. We can’t allow that to happen.” 
King is absolutely right! Letting people shape policy led to the horrors of Civil Rights, in which people who don't have a proper pale complex vote! It also led to our abandonng a land war in Asia that we could still be fighting today if it weren't for media coverage of the majority of Americans opposed to it. Remember: if we were still fighting in Vietnam, we wouldn't have the troops to be fighting a war in Afghanistan - and wouldn't that be good for everyone! 
The Republican Party is having a lot of trouble finding a Presidential candidate who doesn't blurt out "Vaccinations Cause Mental Retardation!"  or "Corporations Are People, My Friend!"
Peter King is the answer! He's unafraid to state plainly what the problem is: the 1960s got too many people voting. Too much democracy is a problem for the better sort of people, who deserve to be running our nation because (A) they wear suits; (B) they are kind of pale; and (C) they have most of the money.
King's straightforward and honest demand that the media not to report on news that could lead to an outbreak of democracy makes him the logical candidate for the Republican Nomination for President in 2012. He's exactly the man America needs to save itself from the unsavory 99%.
I would be happy to be his running mate - I want to be Peter King's #2 because with King in charge, all America will be deep in Number Two!
Why vote for a President when you can have a King? Vote King/Poo in 2012!!!

Gessler Poops On Troops! (#GOP war on voting victory!)

The Biggest Flaming Sack
of Poo in Colorado
Scott Gessler Poops
on the Troops!

Congratulate Colorado Republican Secretary of State Scott Gessler for blocking dozens of servicemembers serving in combat from voting!

Gessler is suing to block plans by Pueblo County to mail ballots to 64 voters who are overseas in combat. His reasoning is that those 64 voters didn't vote in 2010, and therefore they might not be valid voters! They need to leave combat and go to the county clerk's office to prove that they aren't dead or illegal aliens.

Gessler has a point. Millions of illegal aliens have snuck into our armed forces and got sent into combat just so they can vote in the 2012 election! I congratulate Gessler and his brave Republicans who (although not interested in risking their health in combat themselves) are still courageously blocking combat troops from potentially casting a ballot.
I may be a flaming bag of poop, but I am completely overwhelmed by the majestically huge stinking sack of flaming shit that is Colorado Secretary of State Gessler!

Poo On Voters: Four Great Ways the #GOP Protects Us from Voting!

Walker / Poo: Two of a Kind!

Have you ever made a bad decision?

• Did you marry the wrong person?
• Did you buy a car that turned out to be a lemon?
• Do you get your girlfriend pregnant, or have a baby yourself by a guy who turned out to be a total loser?

Of course you have! People like you make big mistakes all the time! So why would you want to vote?
Voting is DANGEROUS!  And yet some people want EVERYONE to vote. But you know this is a mistake. Only the RIGHT people should vote, and that doesn't include you, or anyone like you. Preferably, only rich people should vote  - mostly men in suits with good hair, like you see on TV - because they're rich, so they know better than you what is good for you. Right? It only makes sense!
Luckily, one political party has stood up for your right not to vote, and is working night and day to stop you from voting. That is the Republican Party, the Champion of the Right Not To Vote!
Here are the TOP THREE GREAT THINGS that today's Republican Party is doing to help PROTECT you from the DANGERS of voting!
1. Block College Students from Voting. College students are old enough to die for our country, but letting them vote could result in fewer wars, which would be a disaster! To avoid this danger, states such as Ohio are systematically working to keep students from registering to vote or to use college IDs as proof that they exist. Die for our country: yes! but vote for our leaders: no!

2. Order public officials NOT to help you get a voter ID.  Republican Governor Scott Walker is a TITAN in the fight to suppress voting. His administration ordered public workers NOT to help voters get voter ID ! And then, when a public worker tried to help voters anyway, Walker's team courageously fired him!
3. Criminalize voter registration drives. It used to be that organizations like the League of Women Voters would register people to vote at supermarkets or libraries. What was the result? the wrong people started voting - people who shop in supermakets, instead of having personal shoppers! Fortunately, states like Florida have shut down the League of Women Voters by imposing fines on their registration efforts. This is a great idea, because the league was sometime registering poor people to vote! How sick it that? Remember: if you don't have a job, you should not vote. Voting means you are influencing the course of our nation, and if you're out of work, do you really want that responsibility?
4. Force voters to bring their birth certificate to register to vote. Remember, it says right in the constitution: if you don't have a birth certificate, you don't have the right to vote. Too many people lose their birth certificate over a lifetime of moving place to place (do you know where yours is now?), and with that loss, you lose the right to vote. You still have to pay your taxes but you don't get representation. TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION is a basic American value!
With the help of these amazing Republican initiatives, we can prevent the wrong people from voting - and that probably includes you. People who are too old to drive a car are too old to vote! People who live in a city with good enough public transportation that you don't need a car to get around should not vote!
Government is a big pile of poo, so why not leave it up to people like me who are full of it anyway?

#GOP Support Death As A Choice!

Ron Paul's Faces
A Flaming Bag of Poo!

At tonight's GOP/TeaParty debate in Florida, the moderator asked Ron Paul whether a 30-year-old man who goes into a coma and has no health insurance should get health care, or should just die.
Ron Paul said his advice would be for the man to get health insurance, and denounced the idea of "taking care" of the guy.The moderator insisted on an answer; should we just let the guy die?
The audience replied, "Yeah!"
This is really a very pro-choice position. Everyone choose whether or not to buy health insurance. Some people choose to spend their money on other things, such as food or rent. Some choose to be unemployed, and there are even millions who choose to be mentally ill or physically crippled.
All these things are choices. Mitt Romney chose to be rich, Rick Perry chose to balance Texas' budget with federal "stimulus" money. Santorum chose to have a google problem. Newt Gingrich chose a new, younger, richer wife ... several times ... generally while still married - what could be more pro-choice than that!
Affordable health care is bad because it takes away choices. If you deny the people the choice of being unable to afford medical care, they will be denied the sweet, sweet comfort of the grave and early entrance into the eternal bliss that is the afterlife. So-called Obamacare is nothing more than an attempt to keep people away from their heavenly reward, and should be opposed on that ground alone.
Therefore it is refreshing to see the Republican Tea Party forthrightly agree that a young person with no health insurance should have the freedom to die, rather than endure the suffocating grasp of health care.
America should listen well to these people; if they have their way, you'll be reunited with your dear departed ones as soon as you choose!

Rubio Poo-Poos Healthcare!

Rubio Says: Poo On Healthcare!

Marco Rubio calls Americans "weak" because we have Medicare, Medicaid and other types of healthcare, and he's right.
In the old days, he explained, if you got diabetes or cancer or a broken leg, you didn't have government health care that only made you weak. Instead, you got your family to help out. Your daddy could splint your leg and the guy door next could would give you some good whiskey: problem solved!
You may think I'm full of poo, and you're right, but Rubio really did say,

"These programs weakened us as a people. You see, almost forever, it was institutions in society that assumed the role of taking care of one another.  If someone was sick in your family, you took care of them. If a neighbor met misfortune, you took care of them..."

Rubio is right. The problem with modern medicine it that it relies too much on doctors, pharmaceutical companies, and government. When has a medicine really done anything for you that couldn't be done by your family giving you a slug of whiskey and a bullet to bite on?

Tim Tiny: If You Help Him,
You Weaken America!

In the old days, you might die because your family couldn't afford fancy-dancy medicine. But, well, if it happened ... that was God's will - and the people remaining are stronger without you!

If your kid was born crippled, carving him a crutch only made you stronger! And maybe it would encourage you to go to medical school and learn how to do surgery on his leg, instead of asking the GUMMINT for some prenatal care.
Rubio is Right! get rid of these programs that share the costs of healthcare across our nation! If someone in Louisiana gets diabetes, his family can just make insulin like they did in the old days. If a wave of flu starts carrying off old people in New England, or someone in Florida gets cancer, why should the rest of us care? We as a people are weaker when we save the lives of disease-prone people. MRIs are expensive and cancer-fighting drugs cost way too much!

Only someone who as full of the substance that makes the crops grow could talk like this, and both me and Rubio agree: the problem with health care is that it weakens us!
I therefore WELCOME Marco Rubio to the Republican race for the White House. He would make the perfect vice-presidential candidate.
Vote Poo/Rubio in 2012 to join me in saying: Poo On Medicare!!!