Irene Flames Out: What God Is Telling Us

Me and My New BFF: Irene!

After days of pantswetting excitement over the impending doom of the entire Eastern Seaboard, Hurricane Irene has turned out to be a disaster movie flop, right up there with The Smurfs. But all is not lost.
For, as a conservative political candidate, I talk to God. And God talks to me. And God sent me a message in the form of Hurricane Irene.
You see, we all hear the voice of God but we don't always understand it, because God loves riddles. The proof of this is the entire universe; it's all a giant riddle! Every time you wonder "what the heck is going on?" you're coming just a little closer to understanding the nature of God's world.
Now the way to figure out what God is saying with HURRICANE IRENE is to rearrange its letters:

• Rare Niche Urine: this is a clear reference to the pantswetting fear described above. Although if I may question the Wisdom of the Almighty for a moment, I should like to point out that fear is not all that rare in the media; far from a niche market, it's their biggest seller. So we'll just have to "agree to disagree" on that one.
• Rune Re China Ire  This sign (Rune) is a warning that China is getting angry! I'm not sure why; maybe it's something to do with we're not buying enough of their stuff or shipping them enough of our jobs.
• Hire A Nice Rerun: God is telling America to vote for someone who's run before. You might think that this would be Obama again, or maybe Palin or Romney, but those are all wrong. I, the Flaming Bag of Poo, have been connected with more cases of the runs than anybody. Clearly, God is telling you to VOTE FOR ME!